Hello Riptide Cubers,
Please bear with me while I explain this ridiculous title.
but perhaps, with your help...
well. as somebody who has been lurking these forums for like, ten years now (I posted exactly once in 2018, to head off an argument) I have come to you in my hour of need - for I find myself surrounded by Commander Players.
YOU HAVE ALL FORGOTTEN THE TASTE OF DEATH
FEEBLE PRETENDER KINGS OF A FALSE WORLD KNOW THIS,
I WILL FINALLY HAVE THE MEASURE OF YOU
THE TIME HAS COME TO SEE YOU AS YOU ARE
REDOLENT IN YOUR EXCESSES
FEEBLE AND PATHETIC IN YOUR POWER
WITHERED AND IMPOTENT
WRUNG OUT OF THE PURITY OF VIOLENCE
and so forth.
here is my manifesto: Commander Magic Must Die. I’m not above the occasional game of commander but we have to correct course. look at all this battlecruiser nonsense.
this is not my first cube. I moved in with a friend who's been playing magic since the 90s over quarantine. we had a lot of spare time and she asked me to put a cube together. so I built a fun little combo-ey cube: green ninjas, pyromancer assault; lots of +1/+1 counters because people love scaling and proliferate and threats that grow make using early removal more thought provoking. I taught my girlfriend how to play magic with that cube and it's been great fun.
it actually turns out that magic is pretty mainstream among my specific age/class/"autism" demographic. which is great! a surprising number of her gay friends turn out to play, and the other day a couple on the train who overheard us yapping were delighted to find some fellow players. this isn't even counting my excellent nearby lgs's. what fun! oh! I keep asking; what formats do you play!
commander. commander. commander. the woman on the train tried commander with a precon and had a horrible time against a pod full of people who had tuned their decks for years; she said she really liked jumpstart actually. I keep ending up playing against women who apologize for removing my creatures and swinging at me. No, I try to tell them; that is the point of the game! You are supposed to Get Me! If you Get Me in a sufficently cool way, I will be thrilled! we are to be Villain unto each other and grow and learn in the being!
and yet.
I name two culprits for this behavior: women are raised to prioritize other's feelings over their own and apologize all the time, and commander promotes styles of play that aggro would otherwise keep in check. I like social games and scheming alliances quite a bit, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at those! but the commander board stall entente gets so so old.
now, in order to get women to attack and play to win, we could re-flavor the game so that creatures are trying to negotiate up to 20 influence rather than attack down from 20 life. we could wait until we live in a feminist utopia where women are no longer constantly holding themselves back.
or, and this is the option that intrigues me:
maybe together,
we could build
if women are scared of attacking, we’ll give them the tools! creatures that Can’t Block and Attack Each Turn if Able; fliers and unblockables, creatures with attack and player damage triggers, cards like Goblin Diplomats for board manipulation; death triggers like Scuttling Doom Engine, the Monarch mechanic. if you haven’t played commander with the Monarch in play represented by a plastic tiara on the wearer, you’re missing out! imagine how much fun that would be without having to play commander!
(commander is fine but we need to play different magic sometimes. please)
LET IT BE KNOWN: games should go fast, and aggro must be strong. the cube should support multiple aggro decks. going for the throat is a priority. somebody needs to teach edh players that magic the gathering is about counting to 20, not just building little machines. somebody needs to teach women the killing instinct. be very careful with token creatures.
LET IT BE KNOWN: resource denial, hand destruction, and counterspells are part of the game! I don't know if I want to include armageddon but if I did it would be perfectly morally defensible! shorter games sting less to lose! kick the struts out from under Villain’s ridiculous clockwork dawdling-machine! cards like thoughtseize and cabal therapy are incredibly fun and skill-testing.
LET IT BE KNOWN: multiple copies of cards = cool! squadron hawk, niche tribal supports, all those Hidden Agenda conspiracies. imagine a pool with three Elvish Archdruids. you can do so much with an unsummon - and if you have one in your deck, Villain using one on you doesn’t feel so unfair. plus people don't have to read the card every dang time if they know what it does. I don't want to make games too samey but 100 card singleton is more variance than I want. this pushes me towards multiple copies of individual cards that enable multiple different play patterns.
LET IT BE KNOWN: life pay and discard are cool and contribute to games ending quickly. lifegain should be very specifically rationed. oh my god bob is <4$ now???? imagine a cube with like three of him!
LET IT BE KNOWN: bluffing is fun! counterspells, instant speed removal, and combat tricks are fun! these things are to be treasured!
LET IT BE KNOWN: attacking should be rewarded. if women are scared of attacking, we’ll give them the tools! Creatures that Can’t Block and Attack Each Turn if Able; fliers and unblockables, creatures with attack and player damage triggers, cards like Goblin Diplomats for board manipulation to force things through; carefully-priced wraths to break board stalls.
LET IT BE KNOWN: abilities should be weird and cool and comparatively uncomplicated, when possible. players should be assumed to know the basic rules. cards that do things like give fliers +1+1 plug into keywords in neat ways; Abyssal Persecutor and Platinum Angel are both cool and easy to understand, as is Laboratory Maniac.
LET IT BE KNOWN: ideally, and I know this is a big ask, such a cube should be bringable to/replace edh nights. I'm thinking 4 or so colors because I’m used to 4-6 players and 4 players 5 colors always feels weird. format beyond this is extremely malleable: bring your best balduvian trading post concepts. maybe you think this should be like, build two 15 card decks out of sealed pools or that like seven card format? that jason waddell was talking about like five years ago? maybe you think this should be some unholy jumpstart draft hybrid. as long as it advances the interests of women, I am willing to hear you out.
I welcome your commentary, your card suggestions, and your contributions. Help me kill EDH and save women.
(mods, if you feel this thread belongs in Cube Blogs feel free to move it. But because it's just a set of design ideas at this point - and discussion-generating ones at that, I hope, I figured putting it here would be best.)
Please bear with me while I explain this ridiculous title.
but perhaps, with your help...
well. as somebody who has been lurking these forums for like, ten years now (I posted exactly once in 2018, to head off an argument) I have come to you in my hour of need - for I find myself surrounded by Commander Players.
YOU HAVE ALL FORGOTTEN THE TASTE OF DEATH
FEEBLE PRETENDER KINGS OF A FALSE WORLD KNOW THIS,
I WILL FINALLY HAVE THE MEASURE OF YOU
THE TIME HAS COME TO SEE YOU AS YOU ARE
REDOLENT IN YOUR EXCESSES
FEEBLE AND PATHETIC IN YOUR POWER
WITHERED AND IMPOTENT
WRUNG OUT OF THE PURITY OF VIOLENCE
and so forth.
here is my manifesto: Commander Magic Must Die. I’m not above the occasional game of commander but we have to correct course. look at all this battlecruiser nonsense.
this is not my first cube. I moved in with a friend who's been playing magic since the 90s over quarantine. we had a lot of spare time and she asked me to put a cube together. so I built a fun little combo-ey cube: green ninjas, pyromancer assault; lots of +1/+1 counters because people love scaling and proliferate and threats that grow make using early removal more thought provoking. I taught my girlfriend how to play magic with that cube and it's been great fun.
it actually turns out that magic is pretty mainstream among my specific age/class/"autism" demographic. which is great! a surprising number of her gay friends turn out to play, and the other day a couple on the train who overheard us yapping were delighted to find some fellow players. this isn't even counting my excellent nearby lgs's. what fun! oh! I keep asking; what formats do you play!
commander. commander. commander. the woman on the train tried commander with a precon and had a horrible time against a pod full of people who had tuned their decks for years; she said she really liked jumpstart actually. I keep ending up playing against women who apologize for removing my creatures and swinging at me. No, I try to tell them; that is the point of the game! You are supposed to Get Me! If you Get Me in a sufficently cool way, I will be thrilled! we are to be Villain unto each other and grow and learn in the being!
and yet.
I name two culprits for this behavior: women are raised to prioritize other's feelings over their own and apologize all the time, and commander promotes styles of play that aggro would otherwise keep in check. I like social games and scheming alliances quite a bit, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at those! but the commander board stall entente gets so so old.
now, in order to get women to attack and play to win, we could re-flavor the game so that creatures are trying to negotiate up to 20 influence rather than attack down from 20 life. we could wait until we live in a feminist utopia where women are no longer constantly holding themselves back.
or, and this is the option that intrigues me:
maybe together,
we could build
if women are scared of attacking, we’ll give them the tools! creatures that Can’t Block and Attack Each Turn if Able; fliers and unblockables, creatures with attack and player damage triggers, cards like Goblin Diplomats for board manipulation; death triggers like Scuttling Doom Engine, the Monarch mechanic. if you haven’t played commander with the Monarch in play represented by a plastic tiara on the wearer, you’re missing out! imagine how much fun that would be without having to play commander!
(commander is fine but we need to play different magic sometimes. please)
LET IT BE KNOWN: games should go fast, and aggro must be strong. the cube should support multiple aggro decks. going for the throat is a priority. somebody needs to teach edh players that magic the gathering is about counting to 20, not just building little machines. somebody needs to teach women the killing instinct. be very careful with token creatures.
LET IT BE KNOWN: resource denial, hand destruction, and counterspells are part of the game! I don't know if I want to include armageddon but if I did it would be perfectly morally defensible! shorter games sting less to lose! kick the struts out from under Villain’s ridiculous clockwork dawdling-machine! cards like thoughtseize and cabal therapy are incredibly fun and skill-testing.
LET IT BE KNOWN: multiple copies of cards = cool! squadron hawk, niche tribal supports, all those Hidden Agenda conspiracies. imagine a pool with three Elvish Archdruids. you can do so much with an unsummon - and if you have one in your deck, Villain using one on you doesn’t feel so unfair. plus people don't have to read the card every dang time if they know what it does. I don't want to make games too samey but 100 card singleton is more variance than I want. this pushes me towards multiple copies of individual cards that enable multiple different play patterns.
LET IT BE KNOWN: life pay and discard are cool and contribute to games ending quickly. lifegain should be very specifically rationed. oh my god bob is <4$ now???? imagine a cube with like three of him!
LET IT BE KNOWN: bluffing is fun! counterspells, instant speed removal, and combat tricks are fun! these things are to be treasured!
LET IT BE KNOWN: attacking should be rewarded. if women are scared of attacking, we’ll give them the tools! Creatures that Can’t Block and Attack Each Turn if Able; fliers and unblockables, creatures with attack and player damage triggers, cards like Goblin Diplomats for board manipulation to force things through; carefully-priced wraths to break board stalls.
LET IT BE KNOWN: abilities should be weird and cool and comparatively uncomplicated, when possible. players should be assumed to know the basic rules. cards that do things like give fliers +1+1 plug into keywords in neat ways; Abyssal Persecutor and Platinum Angel are both cool and easy to understand, as is Laboratory Maniac.
LET IT BE KNOWN: ideally, and I know this is a big ask, such a cube should be bringable to/replace edh nights. I'm thinking 4 or so colors because I’m used to 4-6 players and 4 players 5 colors always feels weird. format beyond this is extremely malleable: bring your best balduvian trading post concepts. maybe you think this should be like, build two 15 card decks out of sealed pools or that like seven card format? that jason waddell was talking about like five years ago? maybe you think this should be some unholy jumpstart draft hybrid. as long as it advances the interests of women, I am willing to hear you out.
I welcome your commentary, your card suggestions, and your contributions. Help me kill EDH and save women.
(mods, if you feel this thread belongs in Cube Blogs feel free to move it. But because it's just a set of design ideas at this point - and discussion-generating ones at that, I hope, I figured putting it here would be best.)
